Gersang

Rasa gersang ini punca kehancuran. Rasa gersang ini yang membawa aku jauh dari Tuhan.

Rasa gersang aku, bukan biasa-biasa. Rasa gersang aku, bukan minta dikucup, bukan ingin diratah, bukan kupinta untuk dinikmati, bukan. Jauh sekali bukan.

Rasa gersang aku, rasa gersang ingin tahu tentang dia. Kemudian pula aku igin masuk ke dalam hidupnya. Kemudian pula aku ingin hidup bersamanya. Dan kemudian pula aku ingin cinta mati terhadapnya.

Yang mana diakhir cerita, aku terperangkap dalam dakapannya sedangkan dia, halus-halus berdusta, tidak pula aku sedari, kerana aku telah buta, dek kerasa rasa gersang yang setan cipta.

Vitamin Hati #1

Aku pesakit yang kira dalam kategori masih belum move on dari kes putus cinta yang lepas. Doktor kata, sakitnya telah menular, dari lubuk hati, kini urat-uratnya pula dijangkiti.

Lalu doktor pun berikan aku vitamin hati. Nak makan pun ada caranya. Macam biasa, baca Bismillah mula-mula. Lepas tu, tanam dan niat dalam-dalam bahawa bekas kekasih kau tu hanyalah sampah jalanan maha tak guna, fikirkan segalanya yang paling teruk, yang paling hina, yang paling kau tak suka pasal dia....

Kemudian baru telan. Gulp.

Semoga dengan vitamin ini aku dapat bertenang, walaupun sekejap.

Tentang Rasa #1

Perasaan ditipu tapi turut menipu dengan ditipu tetapi masih setia, adalah dua perasaan yang jauh berbeza. Jadi jangan hukum manusia berdasarkan apa yang engkau nampak. Jauh sekali nak kata kau ada perasaan yang sama. Tidak. Lain manusia lain rasa.

Yunalis Zarai.

Yuna, I just wanted you to know that I grew up listening to your songs. Thanks for being with me, through thick and thin (cewah, gitcheww). Thanks for "watching" me grow up. Thanks for being my lullaby to sleep. I listened to your songs through hard times, disappoint and also happy times. Sorry that I downloaded your videos from YouTube illegally because I don't have much money to buy your physical album. But deep in my heart, I love you to the max! Looking forward to go to your concert someday.



*2010-2012*

During Diploma time. I listened to your song "Gadis Semasa", "Penakut", "Terukir Di Bintang"... speaking of these really touched my memory. I even did a cover for the songs. Everytime when I feel like giving up to my assignments, your songs come to the rescue! Your songs played its tune in my head whenever I go somewhere alone. Also when I had a good times and good picnic with my friends. I played "Lelaki Tak Guna" whenever I felt disappointed with men. "Random Awesome" is when I'm having a good times and of course "Lullaby" is on track when I'm missing someone and also my lullaby. Each songs brought me to a different kind of feeling. Each songs have its own timeline in myself. Each songs helps me to recall every moments that ever happened in my life. I can say that music has been one of the biggest influence in my life.


*2012-2014*

During Degree time. "I wanna go". "Falling". "Rescue". During this time I had a real heartbroken but somehow your songs lift my spirit up. Not so much healing but it kinda helped la jugak.



Watching you success is quite inspiring. Watching you having your songs featuring Usher and Jhene Aiko makes me think that dreams are possible to happen. Well I have an imagination of photo shooting Cara Delevingne and Kendall Jenner. Lol. Make Malaysia proud, make Perak proud, make Batu Gajah proud. By the way I'm looking forward for your songs featuring Troye Sivan!


Semoga terus sukses, Yuna!



*****

P/S: Also thanks to Faizal Tahir, Pesawat band, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Rihanna, All-American Rejects, Avril Lavigne for being my inspiration and involved during my growing up process.









Oh ya!

*Present (2016)*

Now listening to Yuna ft Jhene Aiko - Used To Love You. Terus ter-throwback semua lagu-lagu lama. (antara sebab mengapa saya menulis entry ini)

Najheb.

I bought new rules!

Me, previously.

Once upon a time, I was a girl who dreamed big.



But that flame, is my destroyer.

Furthering Studies.

"STATUS TERKINI: FURTHERING STUDIES"


Aku tatap lama slip Kajian Pengesahan Graduan aku tu. Furthering studies? Ya, memang betul. That's what they called. That is what the official people called. Stated on the paper, in the system and so on. Furthering studies ya?


As for me, I'm not furthering my studies. It's more to "looking for my long lost soul".


Kalau kau rasa lepas dapat Master ni aku boleh dapat gaji besar jawatan besar, kau silap. Aku tak janji sebaik saja aku tamat "furthering studies" aku tu aku boleh terus kerja dapat gaji besar, jawatan besar, kerja tetap dengan kerajaan. Maaf, aku tak janji.


Tapi selama "pencarian diri" ini (or what they called furthering studies) aku nak betulkan diri aku, belajar nilai persahabatan, belajar kawal diri, belajar uruskan diri dan bermacam-macam lagi.





*****



On the other side, kalau Tuhan kata rezeki aku, aku bukan sahaja boleh dapat gaji besar, jawatan besar, entah-entah aku jadi pendakwah, mungkin berkhidmat kepada agama dan negara. Mungkin juga aku boleh jadi pemilik kepada satu brand besar yang berdiri setanding brand Chanel. Siapa tahu aku buat collaboration jenama tudung dengan Kendall Jenner. Mungkin Tuhan boleh beri lebih dari itu. Mana tahu kot ada rezeki, kan? Bersyukurlah seadanya.